Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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