So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Someone shattered a urinal.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
