I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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