2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
