I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
