Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You left your phone here
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