If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I need a beard to bite.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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