he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
