oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
