My Higher Power is John Stamos
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
