Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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