life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
