I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
