Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is it because I queefed?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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