You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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