So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
