Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He felt like a one man threesome
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
