i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
