Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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