just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
