How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
