don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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