Sry I called you an 8
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
