I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
