her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
