i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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