Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
