i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
