dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
