Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
