ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
