tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
