new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
