after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
