if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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