It's a beautiful day for a hangover
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it was like having sex with a tree stump
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
