Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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