I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
