someone threw a dead crab at me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
