she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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