the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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