Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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