does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
