I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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