I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
