I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
