Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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