I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
