An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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