i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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