I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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