i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
