omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
