She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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