Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
