I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
