I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
