I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
