I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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