do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Randomize
