Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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