Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
