Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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