I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
