I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Congratulations! We have a period
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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