Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you will always have a special place in my vag
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it's great music for shaving your balls
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
