guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
