If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
