I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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