2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Randomize
