I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
