i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
